The Writing Seminars department will sponsor a coming out party for their male undergraduates. All students, faculty, and fathers that figure they’ll “go see what this is all about,” are welcome to attend.
Students from all classes have been invited, taking freshmen without prior involvement with the department by surprise. Says freshman lacrosse recruit, Ryan Harding: “But I’m straight…?”
Heterosexual female students are equally excited about the event.
“I heard there’s at least free wine. Will there be free wine?” said junior Writing Seminars and Women and Gender Studies minor, Stacy Arnold. “There’s really no other reason to attend at this point.”
While hope is in fact at an all-time low for single females who hope that this would be a mixer of sorts, the event is said to be a stepping-stone for faculty/student interaction, and an opportunity for networking.
“This is the time where we really start to look at the work that has been discredited thus far,” says senior professor, Trenton Hurst. “This is when the staff gets to sit down and say, ‘Alright, you’re gay, now let’s seriously consider that poem of yours.’”
Recruitment representatives from Bravo and The Food Network are also rumored to attend, saying that they like to get their best new interns “right out of the gate.”
The event will take place next Monday after Professor Linden Wilde’s reading of his newest novel, “My Student Bobby”. Refreshments provided by Carma’s, and that cashier in Nolan’s that asks if you’ve been working out those biceps lately. The faculty has also expressed that students should not feel butt hurt if they could not attend, that there will be many ceremonies throughout the year.