Sources have reported that sophomore Jeanette Clark just discovery that freshman Liam McCoy was currently living in McCoy Hall. When asked about the discovery, she remarked, “It was just the most awesome thing to happen all week! Or, wait, no… all of ever!”
Clark told reporters, “Well, I met Liam a few weeks ago, and I knew he was living in McCoy, but when I found out that his last name was McCoy too I was just like, ‘AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!! That’s amaaaaaaaazing!!!!!’ It was just so cool.”
Clark continued, “It was easily the best part of my week. The low part of my week was when I failed my chem midterm, the medium part of my week was when I failed all my other midterms, the good-medium part was when I thought I left my keys in my room but then realized I didn’t and that they were in my pocket the whole time, but finding out that Liam lives in McCoy and IS a McCoy was by far the highlight. It was like Christmas and my birthday and the day my parents agreed on joint custody all rolled into one!”
Seemingly unable to stop talking, Clark resumed, “It’s like, what are the odds? Like, who even could know that?” Clark laughed before becoming gravely serious and saying, “Me. Me could know. They’re 1 in 28,374.”
When told by friends that there was a freshman named Melissa Wilson living in Wilson house in AMR I, Clark whispered, “Shut. The fuck up.”
Reports indicate that Clark has texted McCoy roughly once every nine minutes since making this realization, writing things like “Heeeeyyyyy you’re new nickname is Mick Coy!!! hahaha” and, “Your NEW new nickname is McMeta hahahalolha” and, “McCoy-ception!!!!!!!”
McCoy reportedly hanged himself in his dorm room early this morning.