Hopkins Celebrates New Accessible Campus Map By Making Everyone Disabled

The 2022-2023 school year marks the release of Hopkins’s first accessible campus map since the Mattin Center construction began over a year ago (you know, cause disabled students haven’t existed till now). To celebrate this grand gesture to the disability community, Hopkins announced its first “Accessibility Day”, where everyone would be treated as disabled and only the accessible pathways and entrances would be available.

Accessibility Day broke many records. Attendance reached an all time low because no one could find an accessible route to the classrooms. A few students did make it to their classes before they ended, and when asked for tips on navigating campus accessibility, they recommended carrying mobility aids up stairs and utilizing the accessible entrances with non-accessible pathways (‘cause that’s a thing). The Ralph O’Connor Rec Center was also the emptiest it’s ever been, with students too tired from the long, winding “accessible” routes to actually exercise. 

Most notably, though, Accessibility Day caused the largest amount of student injuries seen on Homewood campus. The injuries occured in the following locations: the entrances that appear accessible but lead to stairs, the ramp that goes halfway up the stairs between Wyman and Keiser Quads, the staircases that are for some reason marked as accessible, various buildings where automatic doors hit people, and more. No further information has been released on the injury rate because Johns Hopkins refuses to release statistics about disability. 

Overall, Accessibility Day was an eye-opening experience, and many are grateful that their disability was a one-day event. For all those who are disabled (or newly disabled from Accessibility Day), we wish you luck. If you are a disabled student looking for accommodations and are up for some gambling and invalidation, the Center for Students with Disabilities may or may not be able to help.

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