Are you a minority? Are you afraid to be yourself among your peers? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. You have something in common with JHU College Republicans.
The Black and Blue Jay hereby christens March as Republican Remembrance Month. We wanted it to be February, but we heard it was taken. To celebrate, we wanted to highlight some important figures of the JHU College Republicans. We caught up with their treasurer Ashleigh Sofeigha Smith as she sat down with a well done steak in the FFC.
BNBJ: Thanks for meeting with me, Ashleigh. By the way, can I ask where you got a steak on Meatless Monday?
ASS: This isn’t a steak. This is my Appaloosa stallion from home. They wouldn’t let me bring him into Commons, so I found a way to keep him with me.
BNBJ: (sweating) Right. So… tell me about yourself.
ASS: I’m from a really small town in Georgia. It’s a pretty tight-knit community, like one big family. Most of us even have the same last name!
BNBJ: Did you have any traditions in your town?
ASS: I always loved Halloween growing up. We kept it super simple — my family went trick-or-treating in white sheets almost every year. Everyone always loved our ghost costumes, especially once it got dark and we broke out the Tiki torches!
BNBJ: (with undeniable pit stains) So what would you say is the hardest part about being a Republican on campus?
ASS: It can be really isolating sometimes, especially since they keep throwing me in the Colonnade. I mean, what does ‘RNA Detected’ mean anyways? Republicans Not Allowed?? It’s discriminatory!
BNBJ: It stands for ribonucleic aci—
ASS: And don’t even get me started on dating here. I’m so done with Hopkins guys. They’re too liberal, and their hands aren’t leathery enough. But just in case something does happen, I never leave the house without protection.
Ashleigh reached into her Cartier bag. Out came a bright pink Glock.
BNBJ: (perched in a pool of his own ball sweat*) Totally.
ASS: What’s your problem? You don’t need a concealed carry license if you don’t conceal it.
ASS: But the hardest part is probably finding friends on campus. It’s so difficult to find people that can relate to everything college Republicans have to go through. I mean, do you even know what it’s like being a minority??
BNBJ: (damply) Uh, no, sorry.
ASS: That’s what I thought. I have to go to my economics class now, but thanks for interviewing me. What did you say your name was again?
BNBJ: Husseyin Shamshabad.**
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**The Black and Blue Jay’s Liberal Snowflake Relocation Team has placed Husseyin into protective custody in case Ashleigh ever decides to unconceal her carry.