Thanksgiving Traditions That Butter Our Biscuits

As we count down the hours until we can be free of Homewood campus, our crew interviewed whoever agreed to share their plans for this upcoming Thanksgiving Fall break.

Monica, 19, pre-med: 

Monica was very adamant about the importance of tradition, saying, “Every year I make my famous peanut butter cookies! That bitch Aunt Susan is allergic and I like to see her squirm.”*

*Our legal counsel requires us to clarify that the BNBJ is not liable for Monica’s criminal behavior or Aunt Susan’s stupid little allergies.

Jebediah, 30, Writing Sems: 

“I arise as dawn slips from its chambers, and dares to grace the sky. I prance over to my Wellies to suit up, and prepare for a salubrious day in the marsh. It’s cranberry sauce season, and I am ready for a vigorous day of milking my berries for every last drop. My fingers are bloodied and raw (secret ingredient ;)) but I can’t help but get lost in the sauce…” When asked for his opinions on canned cranberry sauce, he scoffed and strutted away.

Char Mar Preacher, 48, controversial DILF: 

“I shall eat the body and blood of Chris. Judgement day is coming.” We really hope he meant Christ.

Eric, 21, vegan:

We could smell him 6ft away, but he insisted on sharing his quality experience: “I really just appreciate the craft put into the brussel sprouts. It’s so nice to spend time at home with my family, and get time to unwind. Did you know I’m vegan? We usually run a Turkey Trot (Tofurkey trot… I’m vegan!), and I always win. It’s probably because I’m vegan. #plantbased” 

Helena, 20, depressed:

“I’ll probably just roast a turkey over the dumpster fire that is my life, idk” We hope she’s okay.


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