Carjackers Sick of All the Negative Press

For nearly two weeks, the teenage carjackers of Charles Village were on hiatus. Last night, they struck again. 

The Black and Blue Jay’s investigative journalists hit the streets to find the carjackers and learn what they’re all about. What’s their story? What are their signs? How do they feel about AOC’s dress at the Met Gala?

After several hours of standing awkwardly on the corner of N Calvert and 29th Street, one of our reporters encountered a group who matched Campus Security’s description exactly: “Three juveniles, no further description provided”. 

One of the teenagers, Mindyur Bisnis, told us how he got into stealing cars. 

“I stole tricycles in my neighborhood when I was in pre-school, but after a while, three wheels didn’t do it for me anymore. Anyway, what car do you drive?”

Another member of the group, Fuh Koff (clearly a Virgo), had something to say about the recent media coverage of the carjackings.

“Baltimore PD always wants to know where we are, but they never ask how we are. And that hurts. Is that your car over there?”

The third juvenile, Dan Armstrong, looked at his friends, bewildered. “Wait, I thought you guys bought me that car last week.” 

Before our reporter got to ask his next question, Mindyur Bisnis pulled out a handgun and Fuh Koff followed suit with finger guns. The pair demanded our reporter’s keys, shot Dan in the stomach, and drove off into the night.  

Dan is fine. We’re told that finger gun wounds are not fatal.

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