There are only so many hours in the day, and only so many brilliant, well-adjusted, sexually active writers on the Black and Blue Jay’s staff. Here’s what didn’t quite make the cut this winter:
- Maxie’s Now Selling Crack Cocaine 1PM – 3 PM
- Philosophy Department Sees Second Major Enroll in Ten Years
- CharMar Preacher Converts To Buddhism; Keeps Ranting Through Megaphone
- Hopkins Bubble Finally Passes 10 Total Pageviews
- In Effort to Gentrify Baltimore, Hopkins Renames JHMI Shuttle “JHAMES”
- Eddie’s Sells Liquor to Two Twelve Year Olds In Trenchcoat
- Hopkins Avoids Communicable Disease for Third Straight Month; Throws Party
- Hopkins “Did Not Take Bribes To Let Athletes In Back Door,” But Is “Open To Idea”
- List of Fraternities Not On Probation Expands To One
- A Game of Fetch Gone Wrong: Amadeus Ingests Ira Remsen’s Bones
- First Ever Student Completes Intersession Without Getting Smashed
- Freak Snowstorm Baffles Campus
- Freak Sunshine Baffles Campus
- Freshman Impresses PI With Rats Harvested From AMR II
- Hopkins Student Studies During Spring Break As Neurotic Coping Mechanism For New Free Time
- Ronny D Not Invited to Ivy League President’s Birthday Party, Pretends Not To Cry
- Student Pulls Teeth Out Of Blue Jay Statue: Heroism or Hate Crime?
- Brody Elevator Not Broken For First Time In 5 Semesters
- Hop-Cop-Only Dining Hall To Open In 2020
- Visual Arts Get Adequate Funding: An April Fools Day Special