“Show Us Some Love:” Black and Blue Jay Begs Bloomberg for More Billions

Dear Mr. Bloomberg,

We at the Black and Blue Jay were awestruck by your recent donation of 1.8 billion dollars to Johns Hopkins University. We trust that the administration will distribute this money effectively and transparently, since that’s definitely what they’ve always done with their new initiatives in the past.

However, just in case they don’t live up to this totally reasonable goal, we have a backup option: a second donation, also of 1.8 billion dollars, to your friendly neighborhood comedy writers at the Black and Blue Jay. This ragtag team of mentally ill bisexuals will put your money to work by investing in a variety of fascinating items. For example, 1.8 billion dollars can buy:

We have put a great amount of diligent thought, and a whole lot of phone-calculator math, into our plans for this hypothetical gift of an absolutely absurd amount of money. Now it’s up to you to make our dreams come true, with a gift guaranteed to be spent enthusiastically, recklessly, and immediately.

Awaiting your cheque,

The Black and Blue Jay

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