Dear Hopkins Plebeians,

There’s a lot of construction on campus this year so lots of things will have to be moved. Here is a list of what will be where for Spring Fair 2017 — we’re just trying to be helpful! Hope everything is super convenient as usual! 

• To better incorporate the food into the campus, Chicken on Stick will be distributed from the FFC.
• For safety’s sake, the ferris wheel will be balancing on Gilman clock tower.
• The beach is off limits in order to prevent litter — you guys always leave it covered in trash. Don’t sit on the grass; it has feelings too.
• Want to buy a poster for your friend or a piece of jewelry for your mom? Sorry, but you have to go to the steam tunnels, ‘cuz that’s where the craft fair is.
• Chicken on a Stick will be in Levering just to fuck with you all.
• Due to popular demand, the beer garden is inside the Gilman quad construction –you have to climb over a barbed wire fence, so it really has that hip, speakeasy vibe. 
• The children’s play area/art workshop will be located in Pasternack’s lab.  First 100 kids get free toxic waste!
• The t-shirt cannon will be fired at 12:17 AM from the Bloomberg telescope.  You find out which day.
• The petting zoo will be on D-Level. This way visiting the animals won’t get in the way of your studying!
• For your convenience, Wild Bill’s soda company will be in the lobby of the Wyman Park building. You know, across from Mason, on the other side of the world? Don’t forget your mug!
• All the food trucks will be in the textbook section of Barnes and Noble. 
• We heard many complaints about the concert being off campus, so we’ve moved it back to the Hopkins campus…in Singapore! Free transportation to Ram’s Head Live and back will be provided.

Love <3,

Your powerful, sexy, dominatrix overlords, Spring Fair Committee ©

Catch us all weekend on our walkie talkies!

P.S. Isn’t Steve Aoki A GOD ON EARTH? $42 to be in his presence is a gift.