JHU’s Health and Wellness Center has contacted the BNBJ, the world’s most reliable source of information, about a recent outbreak of HFM disease. The medical professionals knew it would be the quickest way to inseminate the student body with this vital information. This shit is real and gross. Hilariously, it’s also called the “coxsackie” virus.

Here’s how NOT to get it:

1. Wash your fucking hands
2. Stop hanging out with toddlers
3. Stop hanging out with D3 athletes (sry guys but ur dirty)
4. Don’t stick your feet (or anybody else’s feet) in your mouth, even if you’re into that
5. Stop eating right off the fucking counter, you savages
6. Never ever go to the gym (too many germs; it’s for your own safety!)
7. Stop wearing soiled underwear — flip it inside out.

(This is actually going around so plz be sanitary. AKA wash your junk.)