Drive poorly to the Wolman MPR this Friday for the first meeting of the F.U.C. (Floridian Undergraduate Coldness) Support Group. Students hailing from the panhandle to the Keys will guide each other through the approaching winter months. Sessions will be held from 4:30pm and will end promptly at 5:30 because students are tired, it’s been a long day, and the air conditioning is too cold but there’s no air conditioning.
The group will engage in classic coping techniques from their homeland, such as deep breathing, orange juice enemas, and Zumba. Each group member will receive his or her own pair of Beats by Dre colors to match their flip flops and board shorts so they will have access to the daily dose of Pitbull that we assume they need to survive.
Pitbull himself will be joining the group via Skype to lend his expert advice to the chilly southerners. As Mr. Worldwide, he has been to many cold places and can guide them through this rough time.
The members of the group, who call themselves F.U.C. boys, are concerned, however, that the meetings will make them seem “embarrassing or ridiculous,” as the group will be led by Florida Man.