We the Kings Performs on Campus, Students Finally Obtain Closure for Middle School

Following a performance by We the Kings on The Beach yesterday, many JHU students have reportedly obtained closure for the hardships of their pre-teen years. Said sophomore Anna Wells, “Seeing We the Kings helped me forget that awful haircut from middle school. I’m even thinking of bringing those bangs back.”

Other students echoed this sentiment; “We the Kings didn’t just bring me back to middle school – it made me feel like 2008 was okay. It was all okay. I now even feel okay about not starting puberty until I turned 16,” said junior Nick Osmond.

Freshman Kelly Jefferson said, “Upon hearing the sweet sounds of We the Kings’ 2008 hit ‘Check Yes Juliet’ I came to peace with all the traumas of my time in middle school.” She continued, “The braces are finally off for good this time.”

Said Beta brother Paul Traeger, who partied with the band at his house afterwards, “All of us loved We the Kings as tweens, and now we got to do shots with them! It was like the bar mitzvah we never thought we’d have!” Sean West, who also attended the party said, “It’s like hanging out with the posters in my childhood bedroom again. I mean, for the first time, I never did that.”

Not all students reported that their middle school traumas had been resolved. Sophomore Andy Perch said, “I can’t get past getting picked last in middle school gym everyday with We the Kings alone. But I think seeing Cobra Starship and 3OH!3 perform a double headliner during Spring Fair would help.”

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