1. Stamp your foot while repeating, “but all the other kids want to play.”
If yelling about inequality just won’t do it, be sure to reiterate this surefire mantra over and over to keep him reeling. If you’re feeling crafty, add some heavy bass to turn it into a trap remix that you can play all night long!
2. Tie him to a stake with a thick, chain leash as you would a small yet capricious dog
Talk about a sure thing! Make sure that leash is long enough for you to “send bae right over”, or you’ll ruin your own game. Wouldn’t that be silly? Not having enough length of metal chains for your boyfriend to run from one side of an outdoor space to another?
3. Drop hints that he is your legal, physical property
Forget about that contract he signed after that eighth shot of whiskey? We sure didn’t! Should he have a problem with this, remind him that he may take this up with either of your lawyers. That contract he signed is legally b-i-n-d-i-n-g!
4. Remind him that it’s just a game.
With all of the loud screaming and a minor case of residual PTSD, he may have forgotten that it isn’t a literal warzone. Sometimes men just let their competitiveness get the best of them. Newsflash: it’s okay to remind him that he’s not in 1967 Saigon! He won’t take it personally, don’t worry.
5. Just ask!
It couldn’t hurt—unless you use brute physical force!