Despite being completely inebriated at a party, local student Bret McCabe is currently still choosing to talk about school.
Eye witnesses have told The Black and Blue Jay that even in his current state of wanton emotional abandon – void of any social inhibitions or existential preoccupations whatsoever – McCabe is nonetheless motoring on about the overwhelming nature of his classes, workload, and the immense amount of responsibilities he is burdened with.
McCabe was sure to tell anyone who would listen about the 10-page paper for his poetry class that he “totally hasn’t even started yet.”
He seemed to conclude on the resounding note that he is “soooo fucked, but [he doesn’t] even care,” McCabe nonetheless continued to make academics, professional credentials, and future employment prospects the focus of his conversation throughout the alcohol-fueled night.
“I am NEVER getting into med school!” McCabe shouted playfully up at the ceiling, while twirling around to the beat of Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off.”
Others at the party noted that while appearing to feel the joie-de-vivre present in the air, McCabe somehow managed to channel all of it toward complaining about the quotidian duties of his day-to-day routine.
At press time, McCabe was spotted shouting directly into the ear of a female freshman wearing rabbit ears that “micro totally sucked, but if you do the back-tests it’s fine.”