Student Already Regrets Choosing Every Single Class in Schedule

Mere days after loading up a schedule with an 18-credit courseload, junior English major Pat Crambock already regrets choosing every single class for the spring semester. The trouble began a week before junior registration, when Pat attended pre-registration.
“So I showed up twenty minutes early to pre-reg, and the line of students was already a mile long. I offered sexual favors to move up in the line, but Hopkins students have really weird priorities.”
By the time Crambock reached the front of the line, all of the classes were filled up. Signing up for the waitlist, Crambock would next have to reach out to the professors for approval to enter. The junior still hasn’t heard back.
“I even offered THEM sexual favors. What is wrong with this school?!”
Despite the setbacks, Crambock has managed to fill the upcoming semester with electives, but trying to get the proper balance of N, Q, R, S, E, P, D, X, XL, XXL, and XXX credits has proven difficult as well. In a last ditch effort, Crambock headed to Garland Hall. The student noted upon leaving the registrar’s office,
“Seriously, does NO ONE at this school take sexual favors? The only ones higher up the food chain to offer to are Ron Daniels, the Deans, and Michael Bloomberg himself. You know, maybe I’m taking this sex thing too far.”
Desperate for help in figuring out the upcoming semester’s schedule, Crambock pulled out a trump card, meeting up with the head of the English department to sort things out. Unfortunately, the junior was hit by some even more upsetting news.
“Turns out I’m actually a History major. Fuck.”

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