Freshman Still Assumes He’s Pre-Med

A few months of the semester have passed, but freshman and noted flake Tyler Nedrud is still hunting for a major. The one thing he is sure of is that he’s pre-med. In fact, he assumed this from the start. He registered for classes accordingly.

“I just figure it’s easier this way. Like entropy or whatever. It’d be too much work to talk to advising about dropping pre-med. People always assume I’m gonna be a doctor anyway. Might as well go with the flow.”

Tyler has taken drastic steps to fill the pre-med mold, buying multiple sets of scrubs, an authentic stethoscope, and an operating table for his Wolman dorm room. These changes at first came as a surprise to his roommate, who spoke to the Black and Blue Jay and chose to remain nameless.

“He’s really embraced it now. Like, impressively. The other day I came home and Tyler had the whole place covered in plastic like an episode of Dexter. Then again, it was 2 AM and I was pretty drunk, so I didn’t have to worry about cleaning up my projectile vomit. The operating table was a nice place to crash, though. I guess I’m pretty indifferent.”

Nedrud has recently upped the ante even further, offering to perform minor operations on his friends at the slightest mention of discomfort. An avid student of history in high school, Nedrud’s newfound interest in medicine could reap dangerous consequences, his roommate commented.

When asked about this hobby, Nedrud said, “I figure I’ll be fine testing out operations, at least for this semester. Murder falls under covered grades, right?”

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