Fells Point Sanitation Workers After Halloween: F*** this S***

Two weeks have passed since the massive Halloween celebration that yearly occurs at nearby Fells Point, and the city’s sanitation workers have unified their voices to form a single message: Fuck this Shit.
“For real?” said veteran trash man Levi Stevenson as he gestured at the sea of waste that filled the streets.
“Are you fucking kidding?”
Sources report that garbage still litters the quaint bars and hipster hangouts of Fells Point, with everything from leftover Khaleesi costumes clogging the sewers to actual mountains of cans of National Bohemian Beer impeding traffic. One sanitation worker, Charles Gnarles, was even forced to unclog every single toilet on Fleet Street.
   “Nah,” Gnarles was reported as saying. “Hell fucking nah.”
Forced to endure these struggles for decades in a row, the sanitation workers in the 75 acre township have banded together in protest, claiming that next Halloween they’ll simply go on strike, letting the mob of college students and young adults that descend on Fells Point turn it into what a spokesman called “even worse than the Great Overflow of ’01 in the 7/11 bathroom.” A nearby Gnarles nodded in agreement.
   Of course, one problem is where to go with all the built-up trash. Even a convoy of garbage trucks would have difficulty hauling away the mess left after the Halloweekend. Fortunately, another worker, Tyler Grepke, has the answer. Though initially grouchy and unresponsive, Grepke gave up his secret after being bought a pack of cigarettes.
   “Harbor,” he grunted, before lighting his cig and staring stoically into the night. “Inner Fuckin’ Harbor.”
   We can’t say we’re surprised.

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