Due to the construction on Gilman Quad, Johns Hopkins administration has decided to kill two birds with one stone—lighting up the Humanities Center instead of Lighting up the Quads this Wednesday. Earlier today, maintenance was seen moving 200 pounds of plastic explosives into the Humanities Center offices in Gilman to prepare for the festive blowout. The administration bills it as “hashtag lit.” The Black and Blue Jay asked the Hopkins community: How do you feel about the attempt to destroy the Humanities Center?
“The Humanities Center has a great history — a locus of critical literary theory, intellectual history, post-structuralism…and LSD. I mean the chemistry department has their acid, and we have ours, ha.” – Napoleon Sartre, Director of the Humanities Center
“I always hate going to class there…you have to take the JHMI, right?” – Junior Henrieta Pauci
“I’m glad they’re keeping with tradition and still lighting up Gilman Quad despite the construction!” – KSAS Dean Beverly Wendland
“We tried to barricade the Humanities Center with all three of our books (Sartre, Foucault and Arendt), but alas, they overpowered us.” – Professor Jean Francais-Francais
“I’m glad we have a new testing ground for our ballistics.” – Emily Walker, Applied Physics Lab tester
“Oh man, two HC losses in a row?!” – Liberal sophomore Sammy Lauer
“Baguette! Croissant! Menage a trois! Fumer une cigarette!” – Peter Brown, Humanties Center grad student
“So do I not need that H credit anymore?” – senior BME Major
“I guess I have to move to the Daily Grind now.” – Alkima barista, with 10 cigarettes in her mouth (at least that’s what we think she said)
“As long as there are still donuts around, I’m good.” – Laxer
“It’ll go out with a bang. Goooo Hop!” – President Ron Daniels
Oh, the humanity!