All the things The JHU Republicans Endorse

Recently, the JHU College Republicans released their endorsements.  They commented: “the club believes in upholding conservative values and will be committed to furthering the progress of the Republican Party in the fall and beyond.”  Here is a list the BNBJ obtained of all the things they endorse:

  • Getting rid of covered grades
    • Back in my day, the only thing that were covered were women.
  • Socioeconomic inequality
  • Elmos and IX
    • Secrets, cocaine use, and a hostile social environment? Sign me up!
  • Putting pinholes in condoms
    • A good excuse to pull out
  • The Odyssey Online
    • Hard-hitting, impactful journalism outside the mainstream media–for bigs and littles alike.
  • Unsafe zones
    • Sometimes we just need to get triggered.
  • Classes in Bloomberg
    • It’s an absurdly long walk, but injustice builds character! Take note, poor people!
  • Taking stem cells from Henrietta Lacks
    • Stem cells don’t have skin color!
  • And of course we support Lax!
    • It’s hard to choose between lax and water polo, since our constituents make up a majority of each.
  • Token Minority Friends ™
  • And, of course, Donald Trump

Disclaimer: We will never endorse Ben Carson– he should keep his Gifted Hands ® away from our governing bodies.

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