Insomnia Cookies Extra Delicious on Adderall

As autumn approaches and students spend long nights studying, the recently opened Insomnia Cookies offers late night snacks such as cookies, cookie cake, milk, and brownies.  Students have found that the best combination for effective studying is nibbling a double dark chocolate cookie after quickly popping five 40mg pills of Adderall before anyone sees you on A-level. The combo is referred to as C+++++.

Cookie enthusiast Kevin Moshuga ’16 humbly describes the taste of C+++++ as “being quad-faded” and the result “Einstein’s pastry from a recipe Buddha blessed God with so Jesus could die for it.” When asked about his experiences studying, Kevin stated:

“Yeah I need them to study. Like, I don’t know what it is but, like, before I couldn’t study without my Adderall and now I can’t Adderall without my cookies so I can’t, like, study without my cookies, ya know?”

Kevin, a proactive pre-med, continues trying new combinations to find what the cookies taste best with. He says he is thankful Insomnia Cookies delivers so he can focus on trying ketamine so he can focus on studying.

Insomnia Cookies is well-known for delivering orders, leading many to believe they do more for student safety than JHU campus security ever has. For example, they employ the carriers who valiantly travel entire blocks through Baltimore to deliver pastries that often make the important difference between blazed and blazed with cookies.

When asked about his job, a jittery courier responded “Take me with you! It’s like Vietnam out here. I’ve accidentally been on Cops twice now and I don’t want the third time to be the charm!”

Insomnia Cookies representatives did not comment when asked if they would offer C+++++, however they did pass reporters a menu with “brownies” underlined.


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