JHU Frantically Trying to Rename ISIS Amid Rising Terrorist Enrollment

Recently, JHU administration has made many fervent attempts to rename the Integrated Student Information System, abbreviated ISIS, due to the acronym’s resemblance to that of the militant jihadist group, “Islamic State of Iraq and Syria,” that is currently violently taking over large parts of the Middle East.

A university spokesperson told the Black and Blue Jay, “We are making every effort to re-name ISIS immediately.  We are doing this not only as a condemnation of terrorism, but also to solve several practical problems that the similarity has created.  For example, several first-year students looking for information about financial aid have found themselves unwittingly committed to the righteous cause of establishing an eternal caliphate in Baghdad, while at the same time we are seeing a rise in radical Islamists accidentally registering for fall classes.”

Not all are in favor of a change however.  Sophomore Jake Washburn said, “You know, given the amount of pain and turmoil ISIS has caused in the Middle East, I can’t shake a strange feeling of appropriateness that it shares a name with what we use to sign up for class and pay our bills.”  Nonetheless, administration has maintained their intention to change the name, as President Obama’s recent refusal to give money to ISIS has put the school’s endowment in jeopardy.

Despite fervent efforts to make a change, progress has been slow.  At press time, the leading candidates to replace the name ISIS were HAMAS and BOKHO HARAM.

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