A lot of people have recently been frustrated with LEED and Scheduling & Event Services, with issues regarding double bookings and a lack of club spaces. Club leaders across campus have been struggling to get a response from them, or even just figure out who to contact. But there are two sides to every story. We at BNBJ decided to take it upon ourselves to discover the truth about LEED, and what we discovered will shock you—or not, depending on how much you’ve interacted with them.

After weeks of sending emails and carrier pigeons with no response, we finally managed to reach them through their favorite messaging platform, the HopkinsGroups inbox. An anonymous representative from the organization revealed that they have accidentally double booked their own office space with the equestrian fire spinning club. They’ve spent the last few weeks jumping through hoops (pictured below) in attempts to sort out the situation, but it hasn’t been easy.

“We already tried rebooking, but it’s been rejected every time,” said the representative. “Apparently they won’t be able to reschedule us for at least a week since we didn’t file five days in advance.”

In the meantime, they tried to get funding for an Airbnb to host their meetings, but their financial officer had trouble finding their school accounting number, which can only be found by answering these riddles three for Belchazar, keeper of HopkinsGroups and the LEED website.

A week after finally submitting their event request, LEED’s staff learned they were not able to schedule events without more RSO training. In order to be approved for re-registration, their president and treasurer must attend RSO 101 and RSO Finance 101 a whopping 648 times, once for each club they oversee.

“Almost every single one of us has tried filling out the form, but nobody could prove we attended the training at all, not even the makeup sessions. Nobody even knew there were makeup sessions.”

Staff expressed their frustration over having to do 81 days of training without sleep, but since this is the way it’s been done for the past 9 years, there’s really no reason to change it now. Everyone knows that the way things were a decade ago is almost exactly how things should be now, so the policies should naturally reflect that. Just ask Kanye West.

After weeks of emailing, filling out forms, and having unproductive meetings with admin, the staff learned that, as non-Homewood students, they were ineligible to register for events in the first place. Now the LEEDers are working hard on their Common Apps so that they can get into Hopkins and rescue their office from those flaming horses. Good luck, LEED—we will send you our best wishes in 72 business hours (whatever the fuck that means).

Pictured: biblically accurate image of the equestrian fire spinning club in LEED’s office space. Thank you to Igor for your hard work and dedication.