Johns Hopkins has begun the process of researching diversity possibilities with its new think tank, The Bloomberg Project for Thinking About Thinking About Diversity.  This was in celebration of the eightieth consecutive year that Hopkins did not give a Guatemalan person syphilis (that the government knows about). Hop will be offering opportunities such as the brand-new class “Anglo-American Heritage,” taught by esteemed scholar Jefferson Lee Davis.  

We asked the Hopkins community what it thinks about the new program.

“Past Hopkins initiatives have always been centered around campus, but I think that we need to reach out to inner city Baltimore,” commented BPTATAD advisor and SAIS professor Martin Whiter. “That’s why we’re starting renovations on the aquarium!”

“I think this is a really good thing.  I even saw a diversity the other day!” added 90-year-old philosophy professor Madeline O’Reilly.

“As a cis-white ally, I am so glad that Hopkins is finally thinking about thinking about creating a safe space for us normal folks,” said sophomore Econ major Percy Walters.  “All lives matter, you know?”

“Are you guys fucking kidding me?” said ChemBE BSU president Jerome Connors.  He was probably talking about something completely unrelated.

“Some colleges have unnecessary ‘sensitivity’ training.  I’m glad that BPTATAD will be finally answering the age old question, is it appropriation or appreciation?” commented IS junior Sally Paige, showing off her dream catcher tattoo and beaded moccasins.  “I was born in America, doesn’t that make me indigenous also?”

“Eyes closed we’re all the same, eyes opened we’re also all the same…all white,” Whiter added.  With a cocked head, he mused, “and maybe an Asian, too?”