Trump Named Interim Latin American Studies Professor

Image courtesy of NY Post. 

Following a remarkably quiet performance at last night’s Republican debate, Donald Trump announced he will be taking an interim professorship in the Latin American studies department at Johns Hopkins. In an attempt to make amends with the Latino community, Donald Trump will be splitting his time between the campaign trail and the Homewood Campus.

Trump told his all-white crew of reporters, “I would first like to thank President Ron Daniels for allowing me to share with Hopkins my vast knowledge about Mexicans. Together, with the help of the seven civil engineers on campus, we can create the gilded barrier for our border I wet-dream about every night.”

Trump’s presence has quickly reached campus. The Beta Theta Pi brothers are wearing their hair like Trump and have even offered him a room during his stay. When asked for comments, Trump had to say, “I feel honored that a fraternity looks up to me and embodies my core principles: discriminating, generalizing facts about cultures, and preying on younger women.”

After catching wind of Trump’s decision to teach at a university, his fellow candidates are following suit, with Hillary Clinton reportedly returning to her alma mater to for seminar on IT and email servers, Chris Christie teaching traffic school in New Jersey, and Ted Cruz returning to his homeland of Canada to teach “Women’s rights: Let’s keep them pre-1920.”

Trump closed the press conference by referring to Mexicans as “perverts” before elaborating on his attraction to his daughter, Ivanka. Trump also hinted that should his interim professorship go successfully, he will reportedly sign on to teach a seminar under the department of Women and Gender Studies, or in his words, “the department of Bimbos and Queers.”

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