It’s a cappella season here at Hopkins, and apparently “sudden shit-ton of homework” season. The Black and Blue Jay‘s most recent study has shown that the correlation between amount of concerts and spikes in time spent in the library is likely significant.
“Oh yeah, my friend is in that group,” said freshman Jenny Moss, of one of the popular singing groups on campus. “I won’t get to see her because of all the computer science. That I have. On that particular day. Lots of computers.”
Each group has only two performances a year, one per semester. While this seems like a tolerable enough number, friends that have been in close proximity to performers for the entire year disagree.
“I’ve heard ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ remixed with Jay-Z’s ‘Holy Grail’ during every meal, shower, or shit I have taken within 30 feet of my roommate,” laments Joey Rickards, whose roommate’s concert is this coming weekend. “So it’s a shame that I have a paper to write on the same day that it will be projected via large-scale sound system.”
“My roommate has been beat-boxing while he does everything for the last three months,” explains sophomore John Corrigan. “I just know that there’s a splash zone. That’s all I’m saying.”
Said senior Erica Cryan, “I know it’s their last concert ever and the soloist has been my best friend since freshman year, but it’s not worth it. I’m sorry. It’s just not.”
Out of absolute unwillingness to endure the instrument-less performances, students have gone so far as to do all of the optional readings for class, do extra credit assignments, and attend super desperate late night office hours.