This is mostly a true story. These are the headlines I came up with for a day in the life.
I Bought Fair Trade Coffee From Alkimia.
I Placed it on My Desk.
I Drank Some of It and Burned My Tongue.
Oh, and I also Spilled it All Over My Shirt and Leggings.
Oh, and while Spilling it on My Shirt and Leggings, I Spilled it All Over My Desk.
Now It’s on the Floor.
I Shouted FUCK in the Middle of Class.
My Professor Barely Looked Away From the PowerPoint.
My Friend Handed Me a Tiny Tissue.
I Zipped My Hoodie Over the Stain.
I Had No Time to Run Home So I Went to My Job.
I Lost My Job.
Everyone Asked Me What Smelled Like Coffee For the Rest of the Day.
I Lost the Respect of All of My Peers.
I Called My Mom.
Lost Her Respect, Too.
I Remembered That I Am an Adult and I Can Do My Own Damn Laundry.
I Remembered Spring Fair is This Weekend.
I Win; Fuck You, World.