Your Horoscope: Unfortunate Sexual Experiences

Aries: finding out how old is too old

Taurus: farting during analingus

Gemini: blanket fort collapsing in the middle of sex

Cancer: getting road head during your driver’s test

Leo: learning your partner was cheating by catching a venereal disease

Virgo: spring break 2014 in Cabo

Libra: ombré pubic hair

Scorpio: your partner telling you “Your dad will never love you” pre-orgasm

Sagittarius: genitals smelling like chlorine after hot tub sex

Capricorn: one hand remaining motionless on partner’s boob for entirety of session

Aquarius: Adam Sandler movie and chill

Pisces: saving your virginity for Harry Styles

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