Sculptures Outside the Rec Center Moved When You Weren’t Looking

On Monday, April 20th, multiple reports were made to the Johns Hopkins Campus Security about the status of the animal sculptures in the Bufano Sculpture Garden. Several students claimed that, in the early moments of dusk, the sculptures would move as soon as one turned his back on them.

“What if, like, they’re aliens that came down and are trying to learn our ways?” said sophomore Philosophy major only known as Squeeps.

Several of the reports centered around the owl statue, with students swearing that it would hoot at them as if it were right behind them, but then when they would turn their back, it would return to its normal post.

Junior David Wooderson attempted to explain these mysterious happenings.

“I don’t know if I can explain it properly. It’s like… imagine if the back of your hand turned into James Franco every time you looked at your palm. You wouldn’t even know, right?”

Campus Security refused to make a statement on the reports, only responding by yelling about how students should have better things to do than roll around under the gazebo on this holiest of days.

Some students mentioned that they are planning to launch an investigation of these paranormal occurrences. Freshman Olivia Cusinato, holding a family-sized bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos and wearing flip-flops and a shirt with a California flag on the back, commented:

“If I have to stay here all week I will. The man is telling us that this shit isn’t real. Well, it is. At around midnight on Monday night I saw the cat statue do one of those stretches. Like this.” Olivia attempted to recreate the stretch, gave up and decided to take a nap right under the gazebo’s protective cover.

At the press time, the possessed statues are reported to have posed no threat, but one claimed the bear statue did sing along to “Wagon Wheel.”

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